


Sickly Sweet

by Cant_We_Just_Dance



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Breakups, I'm the angst queen and we all know it, M/M, overly poetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 22:55:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11701593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/pseuds/Cant_We_Just_Dance
Summary: Alexander had fallen into the salt water taffy stickiness of Thomas's words, and allowed himself to be twisted round and round like a carousel. But when cotton candy at a carnival gets dropped, it may have been a bit too sickly sweet.





	Sickly Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is @jamisahivemind from tumblr! I hope you all enjoy this, and please remember to comment, kudos, and hang out with me over on the hellsite!

One year, four months, one week, and six days.

Since the last time Thomas’s lips had been pressed against Alexander’s own in that perfect way they fit together like puzzle pieces. Looking back, they could easily tell that they were not pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, connecting in all the right edges and corners. They was frayed scraps of fabric hastily sewn together in an effort to keep warmth close to one’s heat secure and sugar-sweet. But when the sugar overloads your bloodstream and cuts your tongue with sharp edges, something sweet can become quite bitter.

Bitter like the dark chocolate Alexander had insisted wasn’t as bad as Thomas claimed it to be, the taste of cocoa powder so overpowering it took over one’s mind, unrelenting in its own somehow slightly sweet way. It was the one thing Thomas could clearly remember of Alexander’s kisses. The faint taste of bitter chocolate combined with even more bitter black coffee, dark and so enticing that the only sweetness needed was those found in the midst of Alexander’s words. And while his sentences and syllables and poems and essays and barely readable handwriting melded together into a beam of sunlight, his kisses were pure midnight.

Midnights spend on park benches, staring up at the sky and trying to count the stars in their eyes. Evenings crowded together on the too-small, ratty old couch in Alexander’s apartment as the only thing to illuminate the room was the TV screen with some cheesy horror film watched more to poke fun at than be scared by. Soft late afternoons in midwinter when the snow trapped them in their apartment for so long they’d been unable to go to work, which infuriated Alexander to no end. Mornings spent in each other’s arms, whispering sweet nothings and hoping that the alarm wouldn’t go off just yet, not until Thomas’s kisses stopped tasting like sour bubblegum, despite the taller man’s insistence that he’d never indulge in such a treat.

But perhaps Thomas had been lying, Alexander thought idly some nights, a glass bottle in his hand as he drowned his worries in hazy amber, a stark contrast to the scarlet Thomas tried to use to wipe away the memories of what they’d once had.

They were simply not enough for each other, Thomas would tell himself as he stared out the window of his apartment, hoping that he’d see Alexander running down the street, and into the apartment building, leaping into Thomas’s arms as soon as he opened the door. And despite his wishes, his longing for such a thing only grew with time.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and they were both already quite fond of the other before the sudden absence from their lives. Alexander felt loneliness like an empty seat at a dinner party that had been reserved well in advance. You simply were expected to continue waiting until the food got cold and the wine became lukewarm and dust began to settle on the seat that an incredibly brilliant person was supposed to fill.

Thomas felt loneliness in a different way, though if one considered their many differences, this would not come as quite a shock to them. To Thomas, loneliness was looking into the eyes of a thousand people and searching for that perfect constellation in their eyes. And after a while, he ceased in his search for the sky.

He had already found the sky. He had seen droplets of water fall and he had seen it painted red and pink, sometimes caused by his own actions. And he wished more than anything to be able to see just how brightly the stars shined. If only for one night more.

When stormclouds gathered, he had been naive enough to ignore them. The dark grey weighed over them like chains, holding them down and wrapping around their lungs over and over and over again until neither of them could breathe easily in the presence of the person they had used to be so fond of. Blades of grass crunching beneath their feet as they ran through a park were simply razor blades cutting through their feet and leaving their hearts bleeding after every failed attempt to stitch them back up.

Each bubble of laughter was silently popped, each midnight kiss brought into the light of day, only to discover that it was only to be cherished with one’s eyes closed. What had once been subtle sweetness of an apple began to rot their minds, turning to stone and crumbling to dust.

They had thought they could make it out with their hearts and minds intact. They had agreed, it was for the best, they had smiled at each other and hugged, claimed that despite their relationship having come to an end, they were still to be close friends.

It is a rather strange feeling, when you expect someone to send a message, so you sit at your phone for hours, waiting and waiting and waiting until your eyes shut closed on their own and your brain melts away into a puddle of strawberry syrup, which tastes nothing at all like strawberries, as Thomas had always informed Alexander. Unfortunately, both Thomas and Alexander had decided to wait and watch.

Alexander wouldn’t ever tell anyone about how he flinched every time his phone rang because no matter how much he knew it wouldn’t be Thomas, he always had that small tingle of hope in his heart. Thomas tried his best to pretend that he didn’t wake up each morning and sigh quietly at how cold the opposite side of the bed was- and he certainly would never admit that he could only fall asleep clutching a pillow close to his chest, wishing more than anything that when he opened his eyes, it would be Alexander.

But it was for the best, wasn’t it? No matter how much it hurt, no matter the pain and effort each step away from their lives together hurt, it wasn’t a bad decision. Because together, they had thought they could be sugary and loving and wonderful- with Thomas’s sour kiss and Alexander’s bitter one, maybe they could have something sweet for once in their lives.

They simply hadn’t accounted for how easily sugar could go bad.


End file.
